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It sounds as though you understand that your son’s online dating relationship is important to him. That’s terrific, because connecting to people through the Internet is a reality for many people, especially teens, which can be difficult for some parents to understand. Dating can be very exciting — getting to know others who share our interests and values is a good feeling. It also feels great to know that someone cares about us. We often develop a special connection with a dating partner — we get to share the small things in our day as well as our hopes and fears. Dating also helps us learn more about ourselves. And we are in a position to learn about responding to other people’s needs through negotiation and cooperation.

All of these feelings can be exhilarating — especially when someone experiences this connection for the first time. Factoring in the physical and hormonal changes of puberty, it becomes clear that teens can be overwhelmed — even all-consumed — by their intense romantic feelings. This is normal, but it is also important for your son to understand that a balance in life is important — that dating is only one aspect of a healthy life. There are many other important things in life that need to be part of a teen’s daily routine, including school work, music, art, sports, clubs, other social activities, and hobbies. Many teens your son’s age also start thinking about, and working toward, college and careers.

Here is a great opportunity for you to step in and help your son find that balance. You can begin this conversation by saying something such as, “I know how important your relationship is with your girlfriend. And I think it’s great that you have found someone you care about and who cares about you. I understand that you want to be in touch with her often, but I would like to talk about how much time you spend online. I am concerned that it may be taking time away from your school work …”

Be sure to ask your son what he thinks about his time management — does he feel as though his school work is suffering or has he stopped participating in a favorite activity? Teenagers are smart and generally adept at multitasking, so perhaps he is balancing everything successfully. The best way to find out is to ask him!

If, after you have begun this conversation with him, you believe that your son is not spending an appropriate amount of time on school work, or needs some time management guidance, you can limit his time online in a constructive way. Perhaps you and he can create a compromise together — he can use the computer to talk with his girlfriend for two hours, once he has dedicated a few hours to homework and other extracurricular or social activities.


It sounds as though you understand that your son’s online dating relationship is important to him. That’s terrific, because connecting to people through the Internet is a reality for many people, especially teens, which can be difficult for some parents to understand. Dating can be very exciting — getting to know others who share our interests and values is a good feeling. It also feels great to know that someone cares about us. We often develop a special connection with a dating partner — we get to share the small things in our day as well as our hopes and fears. Dating also helps us learn more about ourselves. And we are in a position to learn about responding to other people’s needs through negotiation and cooperation. All of these feelings can be exhilarating — especially when someone experiences this connection for the first time. Factoring in the physical and hormonal changes of puberty, it becomes clear that teens can be overwhelmed — even all-consumed — by their intense romantic feelings. This is normal, but it is also important for your son to understand that a balance in life is important — that dating is only one aspect of a healthy life. There are many other important things in life that need to be part of a teen’s daily routine, including school work, music, art, sports, clubs, other social activities, and hobbies. Many teens your son’s age also start thinking about, and working toward, college and careers. Here is a great opportunity for you to step in and help your son find that balance. You can begin this conversation by saying something such as, “I know how important your relationship is with your girlfriend. And I think it’s great that you have found someone you care about and who cares about you. I understand that you want to be in touch with her often, but I would like to talk about how much time you spend online. I am concerned that it may be taking time away from your school work …” Be sure to ask your son what he thinks about his time management — does he feel as though his school work is suffering or has he stopped participating in a favorite activity? Teenagers are smart and generally adept at multitasking, so perhaps he is balancing everything successfully. The best way to find out is to ask him! If, after you have begun this conversation with him, you believe that your son is not spending an appropriate amount of time on school work, or needs some time management guidance, you can limit his time online in a constructive way. Perhaps you and he can create a compromise together — he can use the computer to talk with his girlfriend for two hours, once he has dedicated a few hours to homework and other extracurricular or social activities.		Although your son’s relationship may be separated by distance, it is still possible that at this age and with this technology a healthy relationship can exist. In all relationships, partners will spend time with one another. In some relationships, partners may choose to spend more time together than others. I think the difference with your son’s relationship is that since his girlfriend is in England and he is in the US, there is also the time difference making early morning conversations inevitable. If you fear his grades will go down, I suggest that you have a conversation with your son about the time he spends talking with his girlfriend. You might ask if spending less time on the computer would hurt their relationship, and, if so, discuss alternatives that may sacrifice less time. If his grades stay intact there seems to be no reason to prohibit the relationship. However, you should also point out that online relationships can be dangerous. There is little chance that your son and his girlfriend will actually meet in person, but if it does happen, it is important that you know about it and accompany him on his first in-person meeting.