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Before you begin a conversation with your 12-year-old about his question regarding sexual orientation, be sure to let him know that even though you were "at a loss" when he first asked, you are ready to talk about it now. You might say something like, "I wasn't really prepared to talk about what it means to be gay when you asked me. My parents never talked with me about these things. But I want you to come to me about sex and sexuality-related issues, and I'm ready to discuss it now." In the future, remember that it's best to address your child's questions about sexuality as close as possible to the moment he asks — that way it won't appear as though you're avoiding the question. You'll also convey the message that you are open to having these talks and that sexuality isn't a "dirty" or bad topic to discuss in your home.

You might start by letting your son know that we are all sexual and that sexuality consists of many different things including our bodies and how they work and our biological sex — being female or male. And sexuality is also about caring for other people and the values that we have concerning all of this.

Then you can talk specifically about sexual orientation, which refers to the gender of the people for whom we have sexual desire and feel deep emotional connections. Being heterosexual, or straight, means being attracted to people of the opposite gender — women who are attracted to men and men who are attracted to women. On the other hand, being homosexual, or gay, means being attracted to people of the same gender — women who are attracted to other women (also called lesbians) and men who are attracted to other men. Some people are attracted to both genders — they are bisexual.

For the most part, experts agree that a person's sexual orientation is largely determined before birth, but may shift throughout one's lifetime. It's not, however, something that people decide for themselves or for anyone else. Most gay, lesbian, and bisexual people want the same things in life as straight people — fulfilling professional and personal lives. All of us want to have happy and healthy relationships, which include being in loving relationships with people who help us feel good about ourselves and the world around us. Gay people date, and some choose to be in a domestic partnership — a life-long commitment to one another that is similar to marriage. In some countries and in the state of Massachusetts, gay people may legally marry. Many gay, lesbian, and bisexual people also become parents and raise children.

Unfortunately, there are some people who don't accept homosexuality and have negative attitudes — even fear and hatred — toward gay men, lesbians, and bisexuals. This is called homophobia and negatively affects gay people, too. It's known as "internalized homophobia," and can be so powerful that up to 30 percent of lesbian, gay, and bisexual adolescents attempt suicide. It may cause depression as well. But there are community groups that can help and support gay, lesbian, and bisexual people accept and be open about their sexual orientation — a process known as "coming out." It's important for your son to understand that gay, lesbian, and bisexual people are different from straight people in some ways, but that being different is normal! Try and convey to your child that regardless of a person's sexual orientation — or any difference that makes each of us special — all people deserve to be treated with respect.