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It's great that you have begun to talk with your son about sex. Waiting until he came to you may not have worked because many children won't bring up their questions or concerns on their own. Now he knows that you are open to have these discussions with him.

It is never too late (or too early) to begin talking with your child about sex. This is a big topic and requires more than a one-time talk about the 'birds and the bees.' Sexuality is about our bodies and how they work, our biological sex, gender, and gender identity, sexual orientation, and our values about love and respect for ourselves and others. Sexuality also influences how we feel about all of these things and how we experience the world. The best approach is to have on-going, age-appropriate conversations with your son because children need to know different types of information at various times during their development.

All children — as well as teens and adults — want to feel normal. Children your son's age also want to fit-in with their peers. It is important for parents to help their children feel normal. The best way we can do this for preteens is to talk with them about the physical and emotional changes they will experience during puberty — becoming an adult. This can be a confusing time for preteens, especially because children develop in different ways at different times. Giving our children all the information we can will reassure them that each person is different and that being different is normal.

Boys your son's age may begin to experience some of the physical changes associated with puberty. Explain these changes and assure him that they are normal. Let him know that he will grow hair under his arms, on his face, around his penis and other places. In addition, some boys' voices get squeaky or 'crack' when their voices deepen. Boys' penises also grow and their testicles hang lower. Some boys worry about their penis size, so it's important to reassure them that their penises are normal, too. Preteen boys may also experience 'wet dreams' — ejaculation while sleeping. This can be disconcerting if they don't know what's happening. You may also want to talk with him about the things that girls experience too. Explaining all of these changes will prepare your son for puberty, which will help him feel confident that he is normal, even though he may be experiencing things different than his friends and other peers.

Furthermore, it's common for children to masturbate — touch their sex organs for pleasure — which is a healthy expression of one's sexuality. This is probably a good time to let your son know that masturbation is normal, too, but that it must be done in private. The majority of preteens are also prepared to learn about sex and reproduction, which must include the ways to reduce the risk of sexually transmitted infection and unintended pregnancy. It is important to give accurate, honest, short, and simple answers. Children get sexual messages from the media and peers, which may be inaccurate and confusing. On the other hand, parents can give the best and most honest information, so it's also important to use correct names for sex organs and sexual behaviors.

All of this information doesn't have to be discussed all at once. As mentioned above, discussing sex and sexuality with your child is best when one conversation leads into another and there is a series of on-going talks. Remember to give your son the opportunity to ask questions and bring up a particular topic. This way he will know you want to have two-way discussions — it will set the foundation for more talks in the future.


It's great that you have begun to talk with your son about sex. Waiting until he came to you may not have worked because many children won't bring up their questions or concerns on their own. Now he knows that you are open to have these discussions with him. It is never too late (or too early) to begin talking with your child about sex. This is a big topic and requires more than a one-time talk about the 'birds and the bees.' Sexuality is about our bodies and how they work, our biological sex, gender, and gender identity, sexual orientation, and our values about love and respect for ourselves and others. Sexuality also influences how we feel about all of these things and how we experience the world. The best approach is to have on-going, age-appropriate conversations with your son because children need to know different types of information at various times during their development. All children — as well as teens and adults — want to feel normal. Children your son's age also want to fit-in with their peers. It is important for parents to help their children feel normal. The best way we can do this for preteens is to talk with them about the physical and emotional changes they will experience during puberty — becoming an adult. This can be a confusing time for preteens, especially because children develop in different ways at different times. Giving our children all the information we can will reassure them that each person is different and that being different is normal. Boys your son's age may begin to experience some of the physical changes associated with puberty. Explain these changes and assure him that they are normal. Let him know that he will grow hair under his arms, on his face, around his penis and other places. In addition, some boys' voices get squeaky or 'crack' when their voices deepen. Boys' penises also grow and their testicles hang lower. Some boys worry about their penis size, so it's important to reassure them that their penises are normal, too. Preteen boys may also experience 'wet dreams' — ejaculation while sleeping. This can be disconcerting if they don't know what's happening. You may also want to talk with him about the things that girls experience too. Explaining all of these changes will prepare your son for puberty, which will help him feel confident that he is normal, even though he may be experiencing things different than his friends and other peers. Furthermore, it's common for children to masturbate — touch their sex organs for pleasure — which is a healthy expression of one's sexuality. This is probably a good time to let your son know that masturbation is normal, too, but that it must be done in private. The majority of preteens are also prepared to learn about sex and reproduction, which must include the ways to reduce the risk of sexually transmitted infection and unintended pregnancy. It is important to give accurate, honest, short, and simple answers. Children get sexual messages from the media and peers, which may be inaccurate and confusing. On the other hand, parents can give the best and most honest information, so it's also important to use correct names for sex organs and sexual behaviors. All of this information doesn't have to be discussed all at once. As mentioned above, discussing sex and sexuality with your child is best when one conversation leads into another and there is a series of on-going talks. Remember to give your son the opportunity to ask questions and bring up a particular topic. This way he will know you want to have two-way discussions — it will set the foundation for more talks in the future.		You obviously care very much about your son and it's good that you're already thinking about his sexual health at this age. I don't think there exactly is a 'right time' to talk to your child about sex, but nine is old enough and there's no time like the present! Sex can be a hard thing to talk about with anyone, and this holds especially true for parents and children. While it's okay to be ambivalent and anxious, the best advice I can give you is to stay calm and collected during these discussions. Kids take cues from their parents, both spoken and unspoken, and if you are visibly uncomfortable with the topic, he's not going to feel free to talk to you about it. Regardless, he'll probably be a little uncomfortable, especially the first few times. But, then again, so are you! Just because he doesn't bombard you with questions the first time you bring up sex, doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. As long as you're keeping the channels of communication open, you're doing just fine. While you don't want him to learn everything he knows about sex from his friends or television, that doesn't mean that you have to be his only resource. There is a plethora of books available for adolescents on the subject of their changing bodies and sexuality. Select one that you like and is consistent with your values and simply give it to him. You can also say something along the lines of: 'This book may help answer some of your questions about sex.' However, that's probably unnecessary. Just be casual and don't act like it's some sort of monumental occasion. There's no perfect time or method of talking to kids about sex. No matter how you do it, it will be a little awkward. I can't stress enough that the most important thing is to establish that sex is not evil or a taboo topic and that your son is free to talk to you about it and ask questions. Good luck!